Gatorade asks, "Is it in you?". I ask myself that question a lot these days. In case you haven't noticed Boys and Girls, I'm a lil', teeny, tiny, bit (read: majorly freakin' INSANELY) obsessive about my fitness these days. It's all comsuming. My nutrition, my mile times, calories burned, fluid intake, hours slept, stress levels. . . . it goes on and on. The chicks in my office can attest to my near maniacal fascination with all things fitness. It's starting to worry them.
With my Golden B-Day fast approaching (and the shocking realization that I am less than 13 months away from the dreaded 3-0), my focus has become laser sharp. And my goals have expanded beyond just what I can achieve at the tale end of my 20's. I have my sights on making my 30's the best decade yet and transforming myself into the BEST version of the Superchik Leogirl that I can be. I don't just wanna be better. I wanna be Freekin PHENOMENAL!
Thus, after careful consideration (meaning 2 hours of sleep and a beer or two), I have decided to try my hand at Triathlon. Triathlon season starts next spring. So, with a little over nine months to condition, my once challenging 1-2 hour workouts a day, have now become grueling, gut-wrenching, spine-bending, mind-altering 3-4 hour sweat drenching odesseys that threaten to break the limits of human endurance.
And I find myself wondering, "Is it in me?" and if so, "Is it worth it?"
It's a qusetion of whether (or not) the ends justify the means. Is the the reward worth the price?
As I'm running through 200 meter sprint repeats beneath the blazing Florida sun, engulfed in humidity so thick it wraps around me like a winter coat, I don't have time to ponder this question. Oxygen -debt doesn't allow for such frivolous musings. But, when I'm immersed in a tub full of water chilled to 57 degrees by a 5 pound bag of ice (ahhhhh, the joys of muscle recovery!), I have LOADS if time to wonder.
Is losing weight worth all this?
Answer:
HELL NO!
But finding myself is worth every single step.
What wouldn't I give to discover what I'm capable of? What wouldn't I trade to finally realize what I'm worth. . . . to MYSELF.
We have this God-awful tendency to wait around for someone else to acknowledge how great we are. I'm learning to do that everyday. I'm learning to be my own cheerleader. I have become my own BIGGEST fan. (And somewhere in the middle of this whole thing, I'm becoming a REAL ATHLETE-- YAY!).
Everyday, I learn I am stronger than I thought I was. Everyday, I learn that my limits stretch beyond what I ever imagined. Everyday, I discover that I can be anything I want, if I just have the courage to reach out and grasp it.
And yea, this knowledge comes at a price. For me, it's 4 am wake-ups, hour long Spin classes, 6- 8 mile runs, 45 min weight sessions and endless laps in the pool. It's measured in T-shirts so sweat-drenched that, when dry, they could stand up and dance a jig. It's measured in grunts, screams, and even tears.
And the reward? A mental toughness I never even knew I had.
But that's my price (and my prize).
For other people, the price is taking a second job because the bills are coming faster than your paychecks. Maybe it's giving up the luxuries of being "kept" in order to escape a life that's crushing your spirit. Maybe it's telling yourself "enough" when you really wanna make that second trip to the vending machine for those Cheez-Its or peanut M&Ms, but you know that your waist line is NOT gonna thank you for it. Maybe it's saying to yourself, "I'm gonna take a walk break instead of a cigarette break" b/c you know that walking is better for lowering your blood pressure than the cancer stick in your right hand. Or maybe it's asking that sketchy boyfriend of yours that tough question you've been avoiding b/c you know the answer is not gonna be what you wanna hear, but you also know that you GOTTA hear it in order to walk away. Whatever the price, you have to trust and believe that the reward is worth it.
We have to learn to understand that the things we want most in this world carry a steep price. It's a pipe dream to believe that the best things in life are free. They aren't. And that's true whether it be weight-loss, divorce, child birth, running a marathon, writing a screenplay, finding love, or even becoming the King of Pop (RIP MJ). It's gonna cost you something.
Face it. The truth is that the things that liberate us, make us stronger, and lead us towards realizing our greatest potential, are also the things that require the most from us. They demand a price. They demand a sacrifice.
But, it is in those moments that we grow. It's those conscious decisions, when we do that thing that comes the least natural to us, that thing that asks a price we're not sure we can pay (but we pay it anyway), that we truly begin to become who we are. It's the most amazing gift ever! And it's a gift that we have the power to give to OURSELVES.
And here's the other thing. The price isn't always huge. C'mon, we all know that pennies make dollars. Sometimes, it's those small prices that add up to huge dividends. Yea, going to bed just a little (or a lot) short of full bites. Sure, not buying that new pair of heels b/c it's just not in the budget this month blows. Yep, spending another Saturday night curled up with a good book can seem sorta lame, but it's better than wasting years of your life on a guy that just ain't it. Everything worth having, whether it's a size 6 body, a savings account for emergencies, or a love that makes you sing out loud, will require you to ante up.
Here's what I know. Shedding the weight (insert your own, personal struggle here) is just the beginning. It's the tip of the iceberg. It's what's beneath that burden that's the prize. Not just the fabulous body that you're gonna have. But the fabulous potential that you're gonna unleash. And, yea, getting there is gonna cost ya.
But, So WHAT! Whatever the price, what could be more valuable than discovering (for yourself!) just how Phenomenal you really are?
So ante up ladies. It's time to pay the Piper!
Pics Taken 07-05-09 Weight: 190.8
MEASUREMENTS: Waist:34" Gut: 38" Thigh: 26.5" Arm: 15" Bust: 38.5" Hips: 43.5"
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