Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Golden Birthdays and Dusty Mirrors


NEVER! get married! Ok. That's extreme. But I have to warn you in advance. Marriage makes you fat. No lie. I gained a cool 70 pounds during mine (and I wasn't skinny to start with!). Well now I'm in the middle of getting unmarried and I look NOTHING like my pre-married self (and truth be told I wanna look freaking HOTTER than my pre-married self!).

What really got me thinking about all of this (besides the whole getting unmarried thing) is that 7/29/09 is my Golden birthday. I turn 29 years old. I'm on the cusp of OFFICIAL adulthood and it's time I start defining what that grown-up version of this Leogirl will look like. Physically (DUH!). But also emotionally, mentally, professionally, etc.

So.

What's a suprchik Leogirl to do? She gets the hell over HERSELF! She looks into the dusty mirror mounted over her bed (a reminder of her skinnier days. C'mon! Leogirls love to put on a show!) and she faces all the excuses that help keep her down. She learns to accept the heartache and gets her flabby butt (hips, arms, belly. . . you get the picture) to a gym. She puts down her fork and starts lifting weights. She quits running from her problems and starts running races.

But ain't that so much easier said than done?

I mean if she cheats and eats her weight in pizza and hard apple cider (and makes late night phone calls to jackasses b/c she's bored), who's to know? Well, besides the straining elastic of her sweat pants (and the aggravating migraine she just gave herself)? So she takes her accountability public. Now the whole world knows when she cheats (cuz she posts what she ate that day -- good, bad, or glutinous). They see pics of her backside shrinking (Hooray!) into a perfect apple bottom or growing (Boo!) to epic proportions so large the orb of her rear end threatens to blot out the sun.

Either way. It's public.

Stay tuned boys and girls. There's a lot more (or less?) to La Vida Leogirl than my shrinking derriere. Enjoy the show!

No comments:

Post a Comment